Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
