we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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