ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
