why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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