I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
