When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
