dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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