I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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