i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
