He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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