Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
