just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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