Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
