Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
