Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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