I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
