OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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