Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
