We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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