All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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