you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
