I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
