I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
