I love black thongs
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
