I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
