did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
