Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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