you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
