never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
