I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
