Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
