Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
