just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
