i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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