So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
