Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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