i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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