no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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