So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
