I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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