Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
