By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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