Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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