4 words: hood of his car
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize