i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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