Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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