Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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