Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
