turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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