Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
