sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
