shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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