i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
