My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
