can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize