i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
