i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
