You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
