he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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