I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
