My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
