remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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