The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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