So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So much Jack, so little girl.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
