Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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