That's intense
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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