So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
