did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
