i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
