if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
