There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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