Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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