I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
