Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
