Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
