There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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