I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
